More Than the Bricks We Build: Learning the Art of Just Being
By Kelly Shores, MA, LMFT, LAC
I’ve never been good at taking time to rest. There are a variety of factors that make this true. Partially because of the way I am hardwired and partially because of my family trauma, but I have always found rest to be hard. I very much have a doing mentality and while I often struggle with exhaustion/tiredness I will continue to go and do until I can no longer think straight.
Admittedly, this is not a great trait and it is something the people in my life have been encouraging me to work on for years. My husband often encourages me to sit on our porch, let my mind wander and just be (I hate doing this! I mean what is the point!?). In recent years, my therapist has been encouraging me to find some hobbies; which has been a challenge because my perfectionist self doesn’t want to do something if I am not great at it. When I was meeting with a discipleship mentor a few years ago we spent a lot of time talking about the idea of a sabbath and what it would look like to take time for rest and renewal. I tried this in small chunks of time and found myself feeling lazy and unproductive.
However, in 2025 things started to come to a head for me. I began dealing with chronic migraines that were often debilitating. I found myself grumpy both at work and at home and just constantly felt irritable with people around me. In conversations with my friends and family I began to realize I wasn’t being who I wanted to be. I wasn’t the wife, mother, or therapist I wanted to be and I felt like I was failing at everything. Something had to change.
After a lot of prayer and many conversations with those around me I decided it was time to prioritize rest. I could no longer run from it as I had in the past because it was affecting everyone around me. So, this spring I decided to take a twelve week sabbatical. I wanted this time to be specifically focused on resting and doing things I enjoy. I spent time doing my “old lady hobbies” of crocheting, baking, and learning how to make sourdough. I spent time reading both for fun and to learn. I spent time sitting on my porch and cuddling with my dogs. And I went on a couple of trips with my kids. It. Was. Amazing!
After my first week off my mother in-law asked me how I was enjoying it and I said “I feel so lazy!” I realized what I was really struggling with was feeling unproductive which was the whole point, I needed to learn to be unproductive and just be because as I would learn just being IS the whole point.
We live in such a fast-paced world, and our society is constantly pushing for us to do and to produce. But that is not the way we were made; we were made to be. To be in relationships with God and others. To be in nature. To be present with those around us. But most people, like me, struggle with this. This struggle with seeing our value in what we produce is not new. I heard on a podcast that one way to look at God's command for the Israelites to honor the Sabbath was that it was to help counteract the life of slavery they had, where their worth was determined by the number of bricks they made each day. It seems we have always struggled to just be.
While I realize it may not be feasible for everyone to take twelve weeks off (and I know I am incredibly blessed to have the support that made this possible), I want to encourage you to consider how you might incorporate rest into your own daily lives and rhythms. Where can you find space to just be? Can you do the things you enjoy simply because you enjoy them, and not because you are producing anything? Can you simply be with your friends and family, soaking up their presence? I believe that if you can do this, you will feel a true sense of renewal in your spirit.
After spending the last twelve weeks focusing on rest and renewal, I’ve realized I cannot wait until things feel completely overwhelming or my health begins to suffer again. I need to integrate rest into my daily life and rhythms now. I am finding small ways to do this every day: I’ve reduced my client load to achieve a healthier work balance, I’m setting aside time each morning to sit quietly with a cup of tea, and I’m prioritizing reading—something I’ve always loved but rarely made time for.
How can you begin to set aside time every week for the things that fill you up? Whether it’s sitting quietly, having coffee with a friend, spending time with family, or engaging in a hobby you enjoy, these moments matter. I believe it also starts by remembering that we are more than the number of bricks we build (something my husband and I often remind each other when we get caught up in doing and producing); we are so much more than our productivity. When we ignore that truth, everyone loses out.
